It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
