I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
