my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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