No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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