4 words: hood of his car
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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