Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
