So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
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