life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
