DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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