We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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