Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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