im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
