You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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