I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
