Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
