I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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