Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I am available for nakedness
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
