Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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