I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
