well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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