I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
