and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Randomize
