Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
