can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
