Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
