Ambien. No doubt about it.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
