It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Randomize
