In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
