so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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