I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
As shirtless as possible
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
