found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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