I wish I could teleport
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
my being single is dangerous.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
