I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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