My first STD was from a foam party
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
