I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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