Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
