I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
