mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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