I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
