I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Randomize
