omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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