idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
