I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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