if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
