i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
