All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
