I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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