dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
