I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
