god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
