Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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