she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we're making bets on your personal life
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
