don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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