just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
